Events leading me to here.

My name is Michelle and I want a relationship with God.


Events leading me to here:

I am a wife to a wonderful husband, mother of two awesome kids, and am highly involved in my job and community.  I try to be everything to everyone, but there is always this nagging feeling that something is missing.  I asked myself to think back to the time when I truly felt fulfilled in my life.  My thoughts kept returning to the time when I was part of a church in my hometown.  I was young and ventured into religion by my own choice.  My parents were supportive and allowed me to be a part of this amazing church by myself.  I had great relationships with my friends, my pastors, and with God.

I was part of something bigger than myself.  I was filled with love and joy.  I was happy.  This is not to say my family does not make me happy, because they do.  I love it when my husband just gives me a hug for no other reason than to just hold me.  I love it when my son climbs on my lap and intertwines his hands with mine.  I love it when my daughter tells me that I'm the best mommy ever.  I enjoy my job of helping kids overcome their fear of learning.  I feel connected to my community by my kids activities and other community service work my family does to be role models for others.  My brain tells me I live a pretty great life and I should be the happiest person.  Unfortunately, my heart has this space that needs to be filled.  

When I moved to another city for college, I found great friends that were willing to help one another find a church we felt a connection with.  We would go as a group to different churches around the city, but I could not get that feeling I had of home.  That's when I began to stray, and for twenty years, I could not find my way back.  It took my daughter asking me to take her to church that I finally gave in and did.  The bad part is that she had to ask for two years before we finally went.  I was just too afraid to go.  I don't know why, but the fear was hard for me to overcome.  Maybe it wasn't fear, but shame.

My new dilemma was where to go.  I live in a town where it seems that there is a church every few feet.  I started feeling anxiety of going church hunting and not finding a "home."  We just so happen to be eating lunch across the street from a church, and I kept looking over at it like it was calling my name.  I decided that we would go the following Sunday.  So I took the plunge and my kids and I went.  My husband supported us going, but he didn't want to go.  This added to my anxiety.

Just walking in, I started getting this all over warm feeling.  I felt safe.  During worship time, I felt a little out of place at first, because I was not used to the music.  Then when the pastor started speaking, his words hit me immediately.  I was home.  I know that God knew I needed him, but I needed a path leading me back.  He has opened the doors and I am slowly started walking through them.  Now my whole family is walking with me. Yeah!

Am I perfect? No.  Am I happy?  Yes  Has the space in my heart been completely filled?  Not yet, but its not as big as it was.  Do I feel that I am on the right path?  Yes.  I wanted to start this blog to help me work through my feelings, help me talk to God, and hopefully this will allow me to "hear" what God has to tell me.  Maybe you feel how I feel and this helps you take that one scared step to go back to church, or to take another step to continue your journey with God.  I think this blog is suppose to be my next step, so here I go......